If You Were a Booger, I’d Pick You First #85

Just because the word Booger is in my blog title, doesn’t mean I want to eat one. And you shouldn’t either! Seriously people, whatever are you thinking?

In fifth grade we moved to a tiny Texas town near the Mexican border. In my new school was a little girl named Hettie Hobizal. Hettie was an albino and very frail and birdlike. While she was my first encounter with someone with that coloring, it wasn’t her white hair, alabaster skin, and ice blue eyes that made Hettie noticeable, no indeedy. It was her propensity to harvest produce from her nose. This seemed to be Hettie’s only hobby and she tackled it with a grave and serious attitude. Hettie had no friends (duh) and would happily spend her entire recess standing alone at the side of the play yard carefully plucking, then studying her crop. That alone was enough to make us not want to shake or hold hands with her. Lord knows no teacher ever let Hettie pass out papers. Not one to let things go to waste, little Hettie would snack on her treasures. I always wondered where this fit on the Food Pyramid. Would it count as protein, or possibly a veggie? I suppose it COULD be considered nasal fruit. Something to ponder when I meditate next.

I’ve consulted the vast Weight Watcher’s data base and nowhere  is this listed as a viable snack food. Does this mean it has a zero Points Plus value?

I could never figure out if Hettie was so tiny because she was perpetually hungry and underfed, which was why she resorted to her subterranean culling, or if some foul by-product of her nasty little fetish caused her digestive system to run amuck. More to ponder I suppose.

Needless to say, kids being kids, we took to calling nose picking ‘Doing a Hobizal’, which devolved into ‘Doing a Hobie’. Forty-nine long years later, whenever I spot someone picking and snacking I never fail to elbow The Spousal Unit and announce, “Look, quick; we have a Hobizal at 9 o’clock.”

The Unit and I had to spend a few hours in town this morning running Christmas errands, and it turned out to be a Hobizal bonanza. They were everywhere, Home Depot, Barnes and Noble, Walgreen’s. People, do you think we can’t see you? When you are with two coworkers and you are in a check-out line and your index finger is buried in your proboscis up to your palm, PEOPLE NOTICE. Yes, we do. And have you noted that they never just discreetly slide them into their mouths and munch away. Hell no! They have to perform a visual autopsy on their little snot buddy before wolfing it down. Are they checking for moistness? Dryness? Might it require ketchup? Again, more fodder for future ponderings.

It was a bit difficult to know under which category to file this post. Humor, Food, Fine Dining, Fetishes, Recycling?

Anyway, you are now free to go throw up and remember to keep your eyes on alert for Hobizals, because they are all around you this holiday season.

Check in on Friday when Weighty Katie Cooks Cuban (in the event that your appetite has been restored by then!).


Feature image from cupcakemommies.com

5 thoughts on “If You Were a Booger, I’d Pick You First #85

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