No preamble; let’s just jump on this Shetland pony and ride it to its forgone conclusion. If you missed Vol. 1 and are feeling lost as a mongoose in July, hit the back button pronto and get your lazy self caught up.
When last we saw our four little boys and girls, they were at Dex and Lucie Mae’s weddin. Fast forward several months and they just moved into their new double wide and are celebrating their first wedded Christmas. Clem, still president of the Padre Island Savings & Loan, along with his trophy wife Viola June, have joined our couples for Xmas Eve dinner. I would show ya’ll the photos (this is a comic book, after all!), but Viola June had 10 too many eggnogs, stripped down buck nekked, and jumped into the paddlin pool, taking the camera with her. So, ya’ll just have to take my word for it!
Soon, we join Bud & Merle Dean on their week-long honeymoon. Our coming along would help these younguns defray some of the expense of the $50 per week swamp cabin Bud had rented, just outside of Biloxi. The want ad Bud had seen in Hunting World Magazine swore it would be delivered spanking clean and fully stocked. Oh, it was fully stocked alright! Fully stocked with more sex toys than a 1970’s porn flick. We were determined to hold onto our good cheer and sunny outlooks despite the outlines of dried semen decorating the sheets on both beds.
By daybreak the next morning Dex and I, along with the newlyweds and Billy and Elvis, jumped onto a swamp buggy and got the hell out of
I’d like to report that we all lived happily ever after, but alas, that would be A BIG LIE! Turns out that Dex was Viola June’s Baby Daddy, so I had to do the right thing and put that SOB out of his misery. Father Mike, over at St. Mildred’s, told me what I’d done was so right with God, he only gave me 4 Hail Marys and 2 Our Fathers for penance. Unfortunately, the Padre Island po’ lice didn’t quite see things the same way. Prison really isn’t all that bad. I got my doctorate and a law degree in those 14 years.
Sadly, Clem is now residing with the angels in Heavenly Acres up above. Broken hearted after Viola June’s betrayal with Dex, he went out frog giggin one Saturday night in an attempt to raise his ailing spirits. Understandably tipsy from the stress of his marital deterioration, he tripped over a water moccasin and fell into the stock pond, where he promptly drowned. Guess Merle Dean ain’t ever destined to get that second shampoo station.
The best news that came out of prison is that I married my parole officer, Bobby Ray. Course, rules being what they are and all, they made him quit his job with the prison system. But even that worked out OK. He’s now in DEEP. Yep, go figure! I married a Doggie Excrement Elimination Professional. I have to say, it looks pretty awesome on the side of the pick up, “If You’re in DEEP, call Bobby Ray–He Shovels It Away“!
Stay tuned, kiddos, because there could be more fun ahead with this frolicking foursome. We are thinking of buying a bowling alley together; heard there’s a fortune to be made in shoe concessions and the luncheonette!!