4 Hicks On a Stick (A White Trash Comic Book, Vol. 1) #71

Happy 59th birthday to me, and what a fabulous BDay it was! Finally got to see Merle Dean and Bud again, after 14 years. It felt like I’d just seen them last week. There’s nothing on the planet as terrific as wonderful old friends you share a long history with. And what a history!! Merle Dean brought out a book I’d given them for some forgotten occasion and it was a pictorial recreation of our four alter-ego, trailer park, redneck, white trash characters we made up 24 years ago. We made up hick names, occupations, and added nuances and layers to our foolish characters over the years. What follows is Vol. 1 of our story; I’ll post the remainder later this week.

Merle Dean has a husband we renamed Bud, who owned a gravel pit, and through mysterious means (probably NOT condoned by The Vatican), obtained all the county road repaving contracts. I was Lucie Mae, and my husband was Dex. Dex and I worked at the local savings and loan. Dex as a repo man and me as a secretary. Merle Dean was a beauty operator with a single shampoo station in her silver Airstream trailer, where she and Bud also lived.  We all lived in a trailer hood over on Padre Island Texas. We shared custody of a crazy sealpoint Siamese cat named Elvis and a stuffed, drunken dog named Billy.  This is our story.

I'm in front, Dex in back, and Bud is leaning on Merle Dean's shoulder

Bud, that first morning at the beach. One look explains why Dex & Lucie Mae were so frightened they almost fled the double wide

Merle Dean must have been frightened too; she grabbed a knife to defend herself (or maybe she was just mixing up some fresh perm solution)

Bud and Dex leave their pickup trucks behind on the mainland and try out a new form of 2-wheel transportation. So much man, so little fabric!

Bud's obligatory butt shot

Bud relaxing with a recently revised edition of "Gravel Pit Management".

Happy Hour, listening to that 1980's classic, "I Spin You 'Rice' Round Baby"

One night Bud & Merle Dean leave Auntie Lucie Mae to babysit their beloved, but alcoholic dog, Billy, while they go suck down Wu Wu shooters at the local watering hole. Aunt Lucie tries hard to set a good example and do the right thing by giving Billy milk and balloons to play with.

Despite her best Catholic girl intentions, Aunt Lucie Mae discovered the tequila and things were soon out of control. Soon, both she and Billy were seen swigging from the open bottle and doing the Bunny Hop.

The next day Billy's parents are extremely upset with Lucie Mae and spend the whole day drinking milk, in an effort to undo Aunt Lucie's pitiful example.

Seems like somebody in the damned trailer park was always having a birthday!

This time it was good ole Clem, president of Padre Island Savings and Loan. Merle Dean is tryin to butter him up with a cake so he will approve her loan application so she can add that extra chair to her beauty establishment.The extra income that would bring in could net the 4 of them a trip to Dollywood!

Guess Clem said no to the loan, so now Merle Dean tries to stab him. Our little Merle Dean sure has a thing for knifeplay, bless her heart.

Dex once again attempts to BBQ chicken. It's always either burnt or bleeding.

Another mouthful of rare chicken returns to the plate. The look on Bud's face says it all!

All trailer park squabbles are best settled with gunplay.Dex pleads, "I know that damned bird was still squawking but that's no good reason to shoot a man!" After that fateful evening, Bud was in charge of all our chicken dinners.

Bud, Bud, you white trash stud!

And the room where he earned his reputation

Bud & Merle Dean at the hoe down preceding the blessed nuptials of Dex & Lucie Mae

At them very self same nuptials

In a bow to historical accuracy, all preceeding crimes and mayhem took place in Kismet, Fire Island, NY. Names have been changed to protect the terminally guilty.

6 thoughts on “4 Hicks On a Stick (A White Trash Comic Book, Vol. 1) #71

  1. Happy belated birthday!!!

    Still laughing … ‘Merle Dean is tryin to butter him up with a cake so he will approve her loan application’ and ‘Guess Clem said no to the loan, so now Merle Dean tries to stab him.’

    • Glad it tickled your funny bone! Stay tuned for Friday’s post, Vol 2. Dex is now deceased and has been replaced by the Spousal Unit, a net gain for all concerned! We have renamed him Bobby Ray and his livelihood is DEEP, Doggie Excrement Elimination Professional. The business tag line on the side of his truck is “Bobby Ray- He Shovels It Away”!! LOL

  2. OMG, I skimmed the first paragraph because I was so drawn to the photos and didn’t realize you made up the characters! I was at a loss for words. Happy Birthday! It is so fun to have old friends who have a long history with you.

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